‘Walked Through Fire’ a poem by Jamie K

“I tell myself I don’t miss it; it’s a truth I often forget
I don’t miss your hands on my body, the rush and rough was exhilarating

heat that I used to scrub you from me, in less than six years this skin will have never known you but this mind will not dig your grave

I don’t miss the waste; of over-shared secrets when you thinking you’re telling me what I want, when I’m just letting you grasp grab

gasp and sigh as I’m jaded with long lost names. All efforts to erase and save are lost without reason; you do not haunt with quietness, you are unrelenting and absent. You are an ache.

I don’t miss my mouth; locked by your keys after you’d done your damage to the body, ripped nails couldn’t unlock it

I choked on metal every night and the memories taste of blood but I can swallow copper if it keeps me alive, I fed it and slowly slowly slowly it came undone:

with love, how foreign.

She came to me perhaps like the belief in god I’ve always wanted and believed in a wretch so much I was now me

I healed scars and pain till it felt good: put my hands on others and brought them back. No one else would save those dying children but like calls to like and I would share in that blackness for a night

She whispered letters of love late in rosy filled summer to a dead heart and it bloomed; she liked to break hers so I sit by her, always ready with gold to crown her, she pushes me away but I always have spare words for her

We can tell stories but instead we chose truth and tears and each other

Yes I like to believe she chose me back, I hope I can recognise it by now

And I want to love her and here’s where I struggle because love does not comprehend with me

All I have from it is blood and rot; all I want to give is sweetness

And I cannot distinguish between the two thanks to you

Mind cannot bear reason, it rages a storm calling out for blood and to destroy me for all the faults i took part in

Absent and cruel, gosh it’s like you’re still here

You always enjoyed to ruin a girl’s happiness”

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